I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize