I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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