mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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