last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
are you so shy because you have an std?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
