chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
