last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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