but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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