Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
