can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
