Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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