Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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