sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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