these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
