how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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