Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
