my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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