It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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