Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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