yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
