I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
