fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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