swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
