did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I AM VODKA MAN
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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