Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Houston, we have a squirter
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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