Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
