I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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