I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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