do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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