Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What a dumb baby whore.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's blow job season.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
