mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
