I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize