if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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