I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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