I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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