I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
