He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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