i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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