She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
