I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
