I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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