Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
