Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
