...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
