i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
