why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
