I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize