u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
