thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize