he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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