I think my vagina is haunted
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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