Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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