great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
