I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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