they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Shame - the story of my life.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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