he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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