dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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