Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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