She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
