Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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