Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it's great music for shaving your balls
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
