New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I wear drunk well.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
