i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
