I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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