new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We got so high we made milksteak
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Pants are for mortals
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
ok first of all what the fuck
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
