Christians are straight up FREAKS
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
