would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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