i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I intend to get homeless drunk
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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