It's like God shit irony all over that family
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think your dad took our porno
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
