Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
