We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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