I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
