My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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