Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
