Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
