I'm really into asian looking animals
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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