Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
