I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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