I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize