i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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