I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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